Withered Ovaries

Here is the story now that I’ve had time to process and cry and then cry some more.

I thought that I had mentally prepared myself for everything that could go wrong with this cycle. I was prepared to hear I over-stimulated and needed to hold off on transfer.  I was prepared to hear we had to stim a few extra days.  I was prepared to hear we had no embryos left to freeze.  I was even prepared for a BFN. 

I was not prepared to hear that my ovaries responded like a 40 year olds should.  I was not prepared to have my entire cycle cancelled.  Even with the low follicle count at the ultra sound the word “cancelled” never even crossed my mind.

How could I have been so unprepared??  I was so worried about being positive Polly that I let myself get blindsided.  I don’t think I’ve ever cried for as long or as hard as I did yesterday, talk about an emotional wreck.

I thought that the low follicle count was the bad news, it wasn’t.  They want your CD8 E2 levels to be above 800 and mine were at 79.  That’s right, a whopping 79.  I basically didn’t respond at all.  The follicles that the ultra sound tech told me about were too small to consider according to my doctor.  I had only one 10 mm follicle and that’s what they’d expect to see from a normal woman on a normal cycle with no meds. 

Isn’t endometriosis enough?  I always knew I’d been dealt a rough hand with the endo and associated pain and infertility, but I just assumed that was it.  I guess it wasn’t and I wasn’t prepared to hear it.  Now I have a whole lot more to worry about.

The path forward is to stop all meds, have a period, start BCPs (so I can enjoy Europe with less pain) and then start the next cycle when we get home.  The new protocol will be microdose flare.  I really don’t even know what that means yet.  I don’t know anything right now but to breathe through it and distract myself until I can be alone and break down again.

I would really appreciate any advice (or happy stories you’ve heard) from girls who’ve been poor responders to the long lupron protocol and where they went from there.  If you’d like you can email me at lindsey(dot)l(dot)hunter(at)gmail(dot)com.