Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Withered Ovaries

Here is the story now that I’ve had time to process and cry and then cry some more.

I thought that I had mentally prepared myself for everything that could go wrong with this cycle. I was prepared to hear I over-stimulated and needed to hold off on transfer.  I was prepared to hear we had to stim a few extra days.  I was prepared to hear we had no embryos left to freeze.  I was even prepared for a BFN. 

I was not prepared to hear that my ovaries responded like a 40 year olds should.  I was not prepared to have my entire cycle cancelled.  Even with the low follicle count at the ultra sound the word “cancelled” never even crossed my mind.

How could I have been so unprepared??  I was so worried about being positive Polly that I let myself get blindsided.  I don’t think I’ve ever cried for as long or as hard as I did yesterday, talk about an emotional wreck.

I thought that the low follicle count was the bad news, it wasn’t.  They want your CD8 E2 levels to be above 800 and mine were at 79.  That’s right, a whopping 79.  I basically didn’t respond at all.  The follicles that the ultra sound tech told me about were too small to consider according to my doctor.  I had only one 10 mm follicle and that’s what they’d expect to see from a normal woman on a normal cycle with no meds. 

Isn’t endometriosis enough?  I always knew I’d been dealt a rough hand with the endo and associated pain and infertility, but I just assumed that was it.  I guess it wasn’t and I wasn’t prepared to hear it.  Now I have a whole lot more to worry about.

The path forward is to stop all meds, have a period, start BCPs (so I can enjoy Europe with less pain) and then start the next cycle when we get home.  The new protocol will be microdose flare.  I really don’t even know what that means yet.  I don’t know anything right now but to breathe through it and distract myself until I can be alone and break down again.

I would really appreciate any advice (or happy stories you’ve heard) from girls who’ve been poor responders to the long lupron protocol and where they went from there.  If you’d like you can email me at lindsey(dot)l(dot)hunter(at)gmail(dot)com.

9 comments:

  1. Ohhhhhhhhhh my sweet sweey girl. I hate to hear this. xoxoxoxo

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  2. So sorry that this happened for you... IF is such a roller-coaster and soooo unpredictable. I can't give you any specific advise but have heard that by adjusting the protocol they can compensate for this and go on to achieve your dream. Love to you always xoxo

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  3. I'm so sorry you are going through this, Lindsey. I sent an email with my thoughts. Hang in there.

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear this... be kind to yourself during this tough time. I just read somewhere recently that sometimes Lupron can do its job too well and over-suppress the ovaries. You might ask about an antagonist protocol -- no Lupron at all (and fewer shots total, always a plus). Worth asking about, anyway. Take care ...

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  5. That really really sucks but out of something you did not expect to find positives shows your strength!!!...Im very similar to you with stage iv endo and on my first IVF cycle...had my first scan and second bloods...getting extra drugs on top of FSH Gonal ie Pregnyl to help kick start ovaries after being suppressed for 3 months...so me hoping to big enough follicles as well and my endomtrioma cyst shrinks or goes away

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  6. Lindsey...I'm on the "flare" protocol for the first time..I've had 2 failed IVF cycles..my E2s never got high on any cycle and my levels and embies were not so great this last time. I think the flare is a good thing...way, way less Lupron. Hopefully a change in protocol does the trick for you...I'm hoping it does for me. Cancelled is way better than a BFN..I know it doesn't seem like it...but it is. Way better to know it didn't work now than to go through each hurdle and get your hopes up.
    So, my advice, chin up lady. Probably all you need a change of protocol to get things going!

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  7. I can totally relate, I always thought my eggs would be damaged by the endometriosis but I never thought I wouldn't have any eggs. It is a terrible thing to have to go through because it makes you feel so helpless. My thoughts and prayers are with you. A change in protocol might just be the answer!!

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