Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Vegas 2013

I really want another baby, for many reasons, but I’m terrified of trying to get pregnant again, and I’m terrified of being pregnant again…  I was so blessed to get pregnant, but I was TERRIBLE at it!  Some people are glowing beautiful pregnant women, I was not.  Every turn held more scary news and more complications, and that was after busting my butt for 2.5 years to get pregnant.  Am I really ready to do that again?
Remember when my feet looked like this?
I’m worried that infertility will take over my life again, I’m worried that trying to have another baby will take away from the energy and time I have to spend with Marek.  I’m worried I’ll slip back down the infertility black hole again and somehow it seems like I just made my way out of there!

I feel like I’m going into this round more prepared.  I realize that statistically speaking I only have 1 baby in that cryo-tank, even though I have 4 frozen embryos.  But will I still be able to think rationally about it when I get those 3 negative pregnancy tests, or worse, if I get a fourth?

Will those failures send me into another downward spiral?  Is it worth it or fair to Marek to even head down this road?

 And then I see two siblings together and my heart melts.  My baby LOVES babies, he hugs (or tries to hug) every baby he sees.  If I could just skip right to the baby part I’d have 4, but the parts before that are hard.

He still kisses open mouthed, I hope he gets over that soon and doesn't start again until he's 20!
Are you sure I can't just give her one hug?
So I finally got over my waffling and committed.  Vegas 2013 here we come!  Dr. Sher's August cycle.  Please wish us luck that no matter the outcome I'm able to be the same mom to my wonderful miracle boy.

I need another one of these precious faces!