I’ve been having a tough time around my family lately, especially since the cancelled IVF cycle. I’m really feeling my hope start to wane and it makes it even more difficult to be around babies and their overenthusiastic parents.
My sister and her husband are the epitome of overenthusiastic parents. I’m pretty sure they actually think my 8 month old nephew poops rainbows. In a different world, if I weren’t going through IF I might think something similar, unfortunately I live in the real world where IF exists.
My nephew is wonderful and so cute and all the things an 8 month old baby should be, but my sister and her husband make it really hard to be around him. All they want to do is talk about him, stare at him, push him in your face, etc. It is emotionally draining.
This weekend we went out to my parent’s cabin, a fabulous lake place where all the worries in the world should float away…. Instead it became another weekend all about the baby. I was so overwhelmed by Sunday that Blue and I escaped to a friend’s cabin on another lake for a few hours of baby free zone.
The family we went to visit is like Blue’s second family, and some of my favorite people in the world! They went through a long battle with infertility 30 years ago and eventually adopted their son who is one of Blue’s best friends. The mom has been a wonderful sounding board from the start of our IF journey. She’s been there, done that, and not forgotten how hard it was.
When we went by their house on Sunday it was so peaceful. I complained for a quick minute about how hard it had been at my parents but after that we just enjoyed one another’s company.
The next day my whole family decided to go by there to visit and ended up staying several hours. I had my fill of baby time not very long into the visit and so I strategically avoided my sister and her husband the rest of the day.
Eventually, when we had a minute alone, the Mom and I sat down and she looked at me with pity and said, “Wow, I didn’t realize it was this bad!” She went on to explain that she thought my sister was being completely insensitive and she could see how hard it was for me just to be around them. She said all the things I’ve been thinking, feeling and worrying that I was over-reacting about. Hearing her say them all back was the best feeling ever, I was vindicated! Finally someone understood, and it was even someone who had their happy ending and hadn’t struggled with IF in 30 years!
I guess this taught me several lessons, or at least re-affirmed them:
- You never stop being an infertile after you’ve been through the trenches, you’ll always be a wonderful resource for other’s going through IF because you’ve been there and done that.
- Some people will never get it and will always be difficult to be around until you have a baby in your arms.
- You don’t always have to say yes to every family function. It’s OK to take some time away for your sanity!