Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Friendship is an Incredible Thing

It’s easy to feel totally alone going through infertility, it’s easy to wallow in self pity and tell yourself no one understands.  The beauty of blogging is that you realize you're not alone (even if you occasionally forget.)  If I wanted to find another blog about an infertile engineer turned pregnant I could probably find it in about 30 seconds.  But blogging, for me, hasn’t been about finding 100 other bloggers just like me, it has been about making friendships and connections, and I’ve made one that I hope will last forever.

I came across S.I.F's blog when I first started blogging.  I realized she was also from Alaska so I emailed her and we talked back and forth a few times.  At the time she was really struggling after an unsuccessful FET but she still made the time to talk with me and support me.

Our few emails eventually turned into a hike, and that’s all it took, instant friendship.  The day we went hiking was the day before I started lupron for IVF1.0.  She helped me through the fear of what was to come and inspired me to stay hopeful.  Most of you know the story of IVF1.0, but if you don’t, here is how it started, and here is how it ended...

I don’t think I’ve ever been in a darker place than I was after IVF1.0.  I tried to stay positive, I objectively looked at the situation and pretended to be OK, but I wasn’t.  My family and other friends tried to be there for me but they didn’t know what to say.  S.I.F was there, always with the right words and a hug.

Prepping for IVF1.5 I was a mess again.  I wasn’t feeling hopeful, S.I.F held the hope for me, she stayed positive and about a week before I left she made me a mix tape (the ultimate sign of friendship!)  The CD was full of inspiring songs about how I was not in control and just needed to relax and live.  It was on repeat in my car for that whole week and when ever I was about to lose it I turned it on and relaxed.

My PP care package complete with 2 teen supernatural romances (which I've already finished...maybe I'm still 12?)

When I was diagnosed with placenta previa and told I could do nothing fun for the next 6 months she made me a basket full of things to keep me entertained.  She wrote a hilarious post about it here, but I’ll stick to the serious stuff… What an incredible friend. 

I hope that someday I’ll look back at my years of infertility and understand why they had to happen.  I think maybe one of the reasons is because otherwise I would never have met S.I.F…


  1. That is a good friend :)

  2. That is awesome! You were/are my "SIF". Going through your IVF 1.5 and my IVF 4.0 together really helped me more than you know. I just wish we had more time. Eggs and Tye food wasnt long enough to say everything that needed to be said. :) And thanks for still being there while I sift through my "what next" phase. Oh and thanks for bringing me into this wonderful community!

  3. What a wonderful friend :)) Love the idea of the mixed CD and care package. Blogging is amazing and so great that you've found such a special friend IRL too :)) xoxo

  4. Way to make me cry!

    Love you boo! ;)

  5. Friendship is a wonderful feeling that cannot be put in words easily. Only true friend can understand it with out being expressed.

    Sample Emails

  6. Awwww <3 SIF is a really sweet girl! And so are you!! I've met some amazing people, too. It is so wonderful to have people to lean on.

  7. This is a beautiful article Lindsay. I'm so happy I happened upon your blog. I try to visit often and I appreciate you visiting and commenting on my blog. Strangely enough, my actual real life friends and family don't say much online -- never mind my blog. Making good connections are priceless and especially when it's through a hard situation to relate to. Although I never had IVF, I was barren for over 15 years between my first son and emergency C-Section (with abruptio). So my youngest son is my miracle baby. It's so exciting to feel whole again regardless of the circumstances and I'm happy for you. Even with previa, my 3rd and probably last pregnancy, I'm so grateful. With so many avoiding children (no judgement for that) they certainly don't know what they're missing until it's no longer an option. So I commend your triumph and hope you best. <3

  8. I 'love' S.I.F! I certainly see her being a fantastic friend to you! I reached out to her once in desperation as I have a daughter who's being treated at 15 for endometriosis. I was scared (still am) didn't know what to think or do (still don't) but somehow I gathered up the courage to actually contact S.I.F because I so needed SOMEone to talk to! I was shocked to say the least when she replied back! So quickly with compassion and advice! I was and am very thankful for her. We live 'worlds' apart (Florida girl) but if I ever had the chance to go to Alaska I'd want to visit S.I.F...I am still in the process of walking this endo road with my fact, I found your blog through S.I.F and really appreciated your personal description of your endo. It was if was reading a journal entry my daughter could have written! She too takes cel.ebrex...and though she is still seeing specialists..I'm so glad I stumbled upon this amazing community of bloggers. At my daughters latest appt with yet another specialist (immunology) they sadly agreed that they know little about endo and it's still in it's infancy...I knew that. I contacted S.I.F again many months later just to let her know how she was doing. I don't think it will be my last time. You just never know who you are going to touch out here in cyber land or who you might help change their life! I certainly rely on this community...from a different perspective...but the knowledge I've gained here and the hope from bloggers like S.I.F that there really are people who are willing to get involved to help another woman or girl! I am following your endo/IF story with joy and hope for you. I hope someday endo won't be such a mystery disease anymore. I hope for the day where information is out there for girls like my daughter who are suffering, and a diagnosis will be easier and they won't risk being told that it's 'normal' or I'm sorry your having a rough time of your period...the end. It's not just a rough period!!! I will keep doing what I can to be an advocate for my daughter...and this blogging community has made a HUGE difference in my being able to do that. I say thank you to you both! Happy friendship to you both! Very happy you connected with each other:)!

  9. I love your silver linings.

    Left you an award on my blog. Check it out!