I used to get really frustrated when infertile bloggers got pregnant and started a new blog. It seemed like they were forgetting their past, moving on to a sunshine lollipops world where IF didn’t exist. Now that I’m pregnant I understand why they do it.
Since I got pregnant I don’t feel like this blog is mine anymore, I don’t feel like I can share my honest thoughts. I give obligatory updates but that’s all. I still read everyone’s blogs and comment but I’ve lost the cathartic release of blogging for myself.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, time that were I still infertile, I would have spent writing about it, sorting through my thoughts with the keyboard.
The answer I’ve come to is that I’m worried I’ll hurt someone no matter what I write. I’m worried that if I’m having a good day or post a belly shot that I’ll seem like I’m bragging. I’m worried that if I’m having a bad day I’ll sound like an ungrateful bitch who has forgotten her past.
I’ve tried to put myself in your (my reader’s) shoes: what kind of posts would I rather read, happy posts or whiney posts? The problem is that I’m thinking about what you might want to read, not what I need to write.
Did I start this blog to help other people or to help myself? Probably a little of both, but at first I didn’t care who read it, I just needed to write. I need to write again.
So here it is: I reclaim this blog as my own. I will write what is in my heart. I won’t forget my past because IF is still a part of me and my future. I won’t curb my thoughts because I’m afraid they’ll be taken wrong. I’ll continue to read and support those of you still in the trenches and I’m always here if you have questions or need support.
I hope that none of my future posts offend anyone, I hope that you’ll understand that pregnancy and life after IF is still a rollercoaster and will always have its ups and downs. I hope that my readers stick around, but I completely understand if you don’t want to or if it hurts too much, I’ve been there and I haven’t forgotten.