Monday, November 28, 2011

Symptoms Series: Post 2, Morning Sickness

I’m pretty sure every infertile woman out there has at some point claimed that she would NEVER complain about morning sickness once she finally got pregnant.  I was definitely one of those women.

Here it is ladies… I hate to admit it…

I complained… I think I even cried…

Have you ever had the stomach flu or been so car sick or so hung over that you prayed you’d just wake up when it was over?  Have you ever felt so awful that you couldn’t get up off the couch, couldn’t stomach the thought of food?  Have you ever wished you could go to sleep for the next 2 months so you wouldn’t feel that way anymore?  I felt like that for 14 weeks.

I never actually threw up which made me feel even more pathetic for complaining.  I couldn’t stand the thought of food yet the Dexamethasone made me STARVING so I ate anything I could get down.  Instead of losing weight I gained 10, maybe even 15 pounds (I’m still too scared to step on the scale.)  With the exception of Mickey D’s bacon egg and cheese biscuits, I didn’t enjoy a single calorie of food I put in my mouth for 14 weeks and always felt terrible afterwards.

Every time I ate I felt like if I didn’t puke that food up I might die.  I seriously considered making myself throw up and even debated with Blue over whether or not that made me bulimic.  On top of feeling totally miserable, I also felt guilty because I vowed never to be “that girl.” 

I really wanted to be that infertile woman who appreciated every moment of her pregnancy but I am not her.  I am proud to say that I did most of my complaining to Blue.  I tried to keep it from everyone else but I was miserable and it is hard to keep quiet when you feel that bad.

Every day during those 14 weeks (after telling Blue I was pretty sure this would be our only biological child) I thanked God for this baby, for the medical advances that made it possible, for the opportunity to get pregnant at least once, for fulfilling my dreams even if they weren’t quite what I expected, but I sure as hell did not say thank you for morning sickness because it was awful. 

I recently figured out why women are even willing to carry a sibling, it’s because just after the misery of the first trimester comes the beauty of the second trimester.  That’s why I wrote this post now, I wanted to get it all out before I forgot just how bad it really was.  I’m now 16 weeks and can finally embrace the pregnancy, I don’t feel like hell, I can feel the life inside of me wiggling around… suddenly, like a light switch was flipped, it’s like the first 14 weeks never happened. 

Magic.

10 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh I could have written this post myself! Every word even down to the Mickey D's breakfast sandwiches! So happy you are feeling the magic now :)

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  2. I am so, so, so glad I didn't have morning sickness and didn't throw up once. I haven' thrown up since I was like 9 years old and ugh....makes me cringe just thinking about it! I am glad you are finally feeling better! :) When is your anatomy scan? At 16 weeks they couldn't tell if our baby was a boy or girl either and then we went at 18 weeks 6 days and the ultrasound tech could tell right away. Those few weeks make a big difference, esp because baby grows so much!! :) Keep hanging in there!

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  3. Told you! I mean, not that I know or anything, but I always HEARD the second trimester was where it was at! ;)

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  4. P.S. I love you. And we need to catch up soon!

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  5. Thanks for stopping by my blog! Congrats on making it to 16 weeks and getting over your morning sickness. I'm sorry that it was so bad for you. I'm one of those "lucky" ones with little to no symptoms, but it does make me worry quite a lot. Regardless, I'm here to root you on. Glad to meet you!

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  6. That is so awesome. I wonder if it is genetic. My mom had morning sickness the whole pregnancy. I really hope its not genetic cause when it is FINALLY my turn, it dont wanna be sick!

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  7. Morning sickness is the absolute pits !!! It's such a relief when it's over... YAY :)) xoxo

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  8. I could've written this post too! I had morning sickness from week 5 through week 16. It was awful...I cried all the time and I too felt like I didn't dare complain about it.

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  9. I felt the same way...with all of my pregnancies. You think you won't complain after so much heartache, but it truly is a miserable feeling. Glad you are over the morning sickness!

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  10. Morning sickness (for me, all day sickness) is nature's cruel joke. I remember a few years ago researching online to see if there is any biological benefit of it. I figured rationalizing it might help me get through it. Nothing. SMH. All I can say is my bathroom never is as clean as when I spend 1/2 my day in it. LOL. Glad you feel better.

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