In Vegas Alone...

I dropped Blue off at the airport this morning,  I’m really sad.  It seems like no big deal since my mom gets in this evening but it just hit me yesterday that he won’t even be here for conception… or can you even call it that?  Was conception egg retrieval?

Infertility takes a lot of things from you.  One of the smallest most inconsequential things it takes is the fact that your husband doesn’t even have to be around.  Forget getting pregnant the old fashioned way, I gave up my delusions about that years ago, but Blue not even being in the same state just seems wrong.  Blue has been fabulously supportive since IVF 1.5 started and now he’s gone and I don’t know what to do.  I didn’t realize how much I’ve been leaning on him.

My mom and I decided to leave Vegas on Wednesday and head to Tuscon to visit my sister who lives there.  The last time we were there was during our very first two week wait.  I wrote a post about how it felt to giggle and talk about baby names with Blue, about how IF had stolen my innocence, now it’s taken even more.  This time he won’t be there with me to giggle.

I know I should be happy.  As of day 3 we had 6 healthy embryos growing like weeds, we have so much to look forward to.  So why can’t I just enjoy this short period of good news?  I think I’m just guarding my heart incase the next report is bad news.  Maybe I’ll feel better when my mom gets here…  My sister sent me a care package with chocolate covered coconut macaroons in it, that should also make me happy since they’re my favorite.

For now embryo transfer is scheduled for tomorrow morning at 11:30.  If the embies haven’t made it to expanded blast by tomorrow morning we’ll reschedule for Tuesday.  I also scheduled for an acupuncturist to come before and after the transfer so that should be relaxing.