Saturday, January 28, 2012

Bed Rest Musings

I read a post by another infertile today that inspired me, there is a line where she says “I will remain infertile ‘til the day I die.”  That line rang so true to me, and so it inspired this post.
I know I’m pregnant but I wish that people in my life realized that I’m not just pregnant, I’ll never be just pregnant, I am and will always be a pregnant infertile.  
While I was laying on the hospital bed Tuesday morning and the nurse told me they were going to admit me for pre-term labor I immediately started bawling.  The nurse asked me if I was OK and all I could say was, “but this baby was so hard to get.”  Thats all I could think over and over.
Two weeks ago, at our 23 week appointment, I found myself asking my OB about viability again.  I told her the truth, that if we lost him I wasn’t sure I could do this again.  I know we still have four snow-babies waiting on us in Vegas but if we lose Marek I don’t know if I’d have the heart to even try again, and then there we were 1 week later in the hospital hearing that we might lose him.  Being in the hospital, all the meds, bed rest, none of it is easy but I will do anything for him.  
I hope this is a sign of how I’ll feel as a mother, I hope this means that having been through infertility will make me a better, more appreciative mother.  I hope that the things that normal moms complain about will roll off my back, I hope it means I will literally sacrifice anything for him.
As I write this Marek is kicking the laptop, I can’t tell you how happy those kicks make me.  

8 comments:

  1. Your post really rang true to me today. I was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday for moderate pre-eclampsia - I'm only 22 weeks along. I too lost it because we haven't reached viability and they need to bake for much longer than that. I too am a pregnant infertile.

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  2. Praying for you and little Marek :) Hang in the momma :)

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  3. Thinking of you and your precious Marek! You have come this far, there's no going back now.....only forward to the birth of your son! xoxo

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  4. so glad your cervix was still closed but BOO for passing a kidney stone! yuck!!! so sorry about that. hoping bed rest gives your body the re-set that it needs and that Marek stays all nice and snuggled in there.

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  5. Aww that made me cry! Praying for you. You are a great mommy!!!

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  6. I heart you, too! You are such a great mama already and you're documenting it now so when Marek is here and you're about to pull your hair out because you're sure you're doing it wrong, you can come back to this.

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  7. I dont even know what to say. I am sorry for your hospital stay but so glad you both are well. Love ya

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