Monday, February 27, 2012

My Blog Sabbatical

You might have noticed I took a blog sabbatical.  I thought about blogging a lot, I did read the occasional blog just to make sure you guys were all right, but for the most part I needed a break.

You may remember this post I wrote two weeks ago, it’s the reason behind my need for a blogging break.  It was a bit of a controversial post… not my usual style.  I love a good debate in real life but my natural medium is face to face discussions, explaining myself on the spot so there is no confusion about what I mean.  I’m not a writer; I’m not good at getting my thoughts out in written word.

I hate when what I’m trying to say is misinterpreted, it makes me anxious.  This is why I love a good debate, face to face.  You get to talk things out and give people a chance to explain themselves on the spot, no time for brooding over what you thought they were tying to say.  This beautiful back and forth doesn’t happen when blogging.  People interpret (or misinterpret what you wrote and then give a quick reply that they don’t expect a response to.  Commenters can hide behind anonymity which allows them to be harsher than they would in real life and stops you from truly responding, because if they don’t check back for your response they’ll never hear your reply.

Because S.I.F. linked to my post, and she is much more popular in the blog-o-sphere than I am, I got about 20 times more hits than a normal post.  Along with those views came many visitors and commenters that are not infertile, which is something I haven’t experienced before.  I have no problem with a varied audience, but it was a strange experience to have such a deluge of differing opinions come out, and especially a lot of strongly worded ones. 

For the first time I felt like I couldn’t defend myself and what I had been trying to say.  Then I got even more mad when I realized I shouldn’t have to defend myself on my own blog, I have a right to my opinions and I write an anonymous infertility blog for a reason.  The only person in my real life other than S.I.F. who knows my blog exists is my husband Blue.  I write this blog so I can get these thoughts out and heard by people who understand. 

I have ENOUGH fertile people to debate with in real life, I really have no desire to do that here, in my safe place, where I can be so easily misunderstood. 

I’ve been so frustrated by all of this that I haven’t written a blog post in two weeks, I even thought about going private, which goes against everything I believe about blogging.  I hope I don’t offend anyone here, but I hate it when blogs I love go private.  I still try and keep up with your posts, but it’s hard, your posts don’t show up in my reader and it just seems to go against the whole point I see in blogging, which is linking people together through common interest. 

But I finally understand why people do it, going private seems to be a necessary step for freedom of speech once you get to a certain number of readers.  Going private allows you to say what you’re feeling with out worrying about negative comments bringing you down.  I’ve brooded over this for days but I can’t do it, I just can’t go private. 

I’m on the fence about just stopping blogging all together.  I can’t imagine leaving this community that has provided me with so much support but I can’t help but feel like now that I’m pregnant I have to be even more gaurded with my thoughts so I don’t offend people who are still struggling.

My final conclusion is to keep trying for a few more weeks.  I’ll write the posts that I’ve wanted to write in the last few weeks and I’ll write them how I would in my perfect blog world where everyone is supportive.  If the answer is still frustration and disappointment then I’ll say good bye.


  1. Is it too incredibly selfish to beg? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeze don't leave us! Turn your comments off, we won't care! I would miss you, I did miss you. :)

  2. Oh, Lindsey! I'm sorry that you've had such a tough time about your blog. Remember that this is YOUR space to voice your opinions. I hope that you continue to write - I love following your journey and I'm sorry that you're in this position. If you decide to stop blogging I totally respect your decision but will be sad.

  3. I'm with CF!!!!!!!!! I will not hesitate to hop a plan (or three?!) to Alaska to kick your ass if you stop blogging! Ok, maybe not kick your ass. Maybe just rub your pregnant belly in that obnoxious way that strangers do.

    1. Wait... only strangers do this? Damn. I had my hands all over her belly this entire weekend long!

    2. Maybe I should have worded my comment better... in that CREEPY way that strangers do! And you, my dear SIF, have most likely been creepily rubbing Lindsey's belly, just like I would be if I was near her!! :)

    3. Oh don't worry darling... I totally have the CREEPY belly rubbing down pat for both of us! It's like my hands are a moth to a flame... we pretty much just walk around with me touching her at all times. She's cool like that.

    4. Haha, you two can creepy rub my belly anytime!

  4. Oh Lindsey, I hate to hear this. I will miss you so much. I understand, but I hate it. I despise that our safe place to pour our hearts out gets violated by people who don't understand, who have no clue who you are or what you've gone through and who are just hateful and opinionated without any thought to what impact their words have. I hope you won't feel frustration after your next few posts, but that you will be able to feel like yourself in your space again and will be able to keep coming here and sharing your amazing journey with us all.

    I know what you mean about preferring face-to-face debate over the veil of the typed word or the anonymous poster who can say whatever they want without regard for you, not knowing who you are. I had a six year friendship fall apart over text messaging. Yep. TEXT messaging. She wouldn't speak to me on the phone and she twisted every response I tried to type back to her. It is an awful feeling. It is just as you describe it. Unnerving.

    I really hope you decide to stay around, but understand that you have to do what's best for you. <3

  5. Oh friend, I'm telling you... comment free. Most liberating thing I've ever done, and the best possible way to take YOUR blog back and make it YOUR own!

    Although, I really hope it doesn't come to that. Because you deserve this space. You deserve this support. You've earned it, and you are so loved!

    But for real... comment free before delete. The people who still matter and WANT to connect with you will. I've grown to LOVE e-mails as a form of communication in regards to my post. It's so much more indepth and personal.

    I love you. That is all.

  6. I've missed you and I'm really sorry to hear things have been so rough regarding that one honest post. I'm with the PP who said its your blog, write what you like. I hope you decide to keep blogging because I really enjoy your updates and writing. Take your time and decide, it's your blog, you have to feel comfortable and okay with things. Sending you big hugs!! :)

  7. I've been thinking about you and wondering! I thought your post was great. I agreed with everything. I know EXACTLY how you feel though. I started getting a lot more readers, and it felt like some people were scrutinizing me! It really stressed me out. I'm kinda sad to be private because I want to reach out and help people & connect.
    I hope you keep blogging! You have an amazing & inspiring story! Or if you maybe go private for a bit and come back. I'm thinking of coming back public at some point.
    Whatever you decide, just do what's right for you :-)
    Hugs and love! You can always email me if you want to talk.

  8. I come here to check on you and have missed you at our DDC. I hope I can continue to follow the last leg of this pregnancy and after. Please consider going comment free before calling it quits. You have many many more people who support you and want you to have a place to voice your thoughts and opinions than those who pop on to leave an offhanded comment or two. I don't have a lot of followers and haven't had to deal with any negativity and can only imagine how much more difficult that makes it, especially when dealing with such personal things. Hang in there and know how many of us support you!

  9. Okay, I'm late to the party, BUT you HAVE to keep blogging! You were the first blog I found. You were my gateway to this wonderful community. My marijuana, if you will. Your story gave me so much hope! Then, because of you, I found this whole extended support group. I felt so connected just reading your story

    Okay, I feel like I'm posting a pressure filled comment and I don't want to do that, but I want you to know how loved you are. And if you do feel the need to step away, will you pleeeeease let us "meet" Marek when he arrives? :)