Babies vs. Blue

I saw a movie this weekend that made me think about what is important in life and what I’d be willing to give up to have those things.  It made me realize how important Blue is to me and that I wouldn’t trade him for a hundred babies.

The movie was called The Adjustment Bureau.  I highly recommend it.  I’ll try not to give away much beyond what the previews do, basically the movie questions the idea of fate.  Matt Damon meets the girl of his dreams and has to choose if he’s willing to give up everything to be with her, and if he’s willing to let her give up everything to be with him.

This movie made me question everything I’ve thought for the last two years regarding infertility.  The glaring question to me after leaving the movie was which would you choose if you had the opportunity?  Being dirt poor and madly in love or being rich with all your other dreams fulfilled and loveless?

The answer for me is easy, I choose Blue.

I’ve thought many times during this infertility journey how lucky we are to be able to afford IVF or adoption but that given the chance I’d be dirt poor and fertile any day.  For some reason I never turned this concept on the choice between Blue and babies.

The answer for me is easy, I choose Blue.

I want to be a mother but more importantly I want to be the mother of Blue’s babies.  I don’t care where those babies come from as long as we’re raising them together.

If someone had asked me a week ago what I wanted most in the world the answer would have been easy.  I want to be a mother.  Until yesterday I didn’t realize that sometimes what you want most in the world is what you already have and don’t realize that you are taking for granted.  I have been too focused on the future and not focused enough on appreciating what I have. 

Now if someone asks me what I want the most in the world the answer will be different.  I want to live a full and happy life with my husband.  I sure hope that life includes children but I’d be willing to give up children if I had to choose between them and Blue.