Since our ultrasound I’ve been doing my best to quit worrying! Everything looked just like it should and so, along the same lines as my PUPO philosophy, I’ve decided to just enjoy it while I can.
We went to a work BBQ for Blue on Friday, and since Blue had already told almost everyone at his work about the pregnancy, (which I think is funny because he is the one who wanted to keep it quiet) I figured it would be nice to be “out of the closet” for a night!
I’ve always struggled with hanging out with the wives of Blue’s co-workers because they all have babies, lots and lots of babies, and I always feel jealous and out of place. A lot of the wives knew we were struggling and several even knew about IVF, they are all really nice women and I’ve always looked forward to getting pregnant and finally having something more in common with them.
So I was looking forward to this BBQ, getting to act and feel pregnant unabashedly! So I talked to other women about maternity clothes, daycare, parenting, etc. I never once prefaced the announcement of our pregnancy with “but it’s still early….”
By the time we left I was beaming, it was so nice to act like a normal pregnant girl! Everything was fine until I got in bed that night and let the weight of IF lay back on my chest.
What was I thinking??
I’m a fraud! I’m not a normal pregnant girl! I’m a PIF! I don’t get to run around acting like everything’s all right!
So I slept fitfully and then woke up the next day symptom spotting, praying for nausea, being a general crazy person, because I honestly thought I might have jinxed myself right out of this pregnancy.