Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Fertiles Just Don't Get It...

My sister is married to a close college friend of Blue.  We introduced them the summer we met and the rest is history.  The four of us were close until IF struck.

My sister and I had intended to be pregnant together.  Blue and I started trying about 8 months before they did…  They got pregnant the first month they tried and had a relatively uneventful pregnancy which resulted in my fabulous nephew who will turn one year old in two weeks.

Both my sister and brother in law (BIL) have had troubling being sensitive about our infertility.  At first it didn’t seem to bother Blue but eventually it came between him and my BIL too.  My sister and I have worked hard on fixing our relationship and are in a much better place now than we have been in a while, but both Blue and I are still struggling with BIL because he doesn’t get it or even try to get it.  I think BIL thought the problems would magically disappear once we got pregnant.

After our first ultrasound two weeks ago I got congratulations call from BIL.  He proceeded to ask me how exciting it was to see the heart beat, and then to say he knew EXACTLY how I felt and that he remembered how incredible that first ultrasound was!  I politely agreed because I appreciated the call and enthusiasm but in my head I adamantly disagreed.

BIL had no idea how it felt to see our baby.  He had no idea how it felt to see our baby’s heart beat and feel extreme relief.

After talking to him I realized that pregnant fertiles go in for their first ultrasound full of excitement not fear.  They aren’t just seeing their baby for the first time; they are getting an ultrasound for the first time.  They are starry-eyed first time parents that don’t even know they should be nervous.  They are holding hands because they are so excited.

For us it was so different.  I’d been in that same room 10 times before, for 10 other ultrasounds that never showed me anything positive.  I was in that same room the day they told me I had 40 year old ovaries.  The ultrasound experience wasn’t new for us, it was repeat of the past with a lot more on the line.  I already loved our baby with all my heart but I knew better than to get attached.  I held Blue’s hand because I needed him incase the news was bad, just like I held his had the day they told me I hadn’t responded to the stims during our first IVF.

Before I ever got to feel excitement I had to feel the full weight of relief lifted off, so no BIL, you have no idea how it felt.


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  2. At 25 weeks pregnant I'm still nervous at every u/s. When you work so hard for something it's really hard to sit back and "relax". I really envy my friends and family who didn't deal with infertility because they seemed pretty oblivious to the fact that so much can go wrong.

    (Sorry I deleted my other comment, I was on my phone and clicked post too soon)

    And Congrats again!

  3. I know so true! You will find that people's comments, etc. will continue to annoy you. I get so frustrated that people don't understand a high risk pregnancy. They think I go to the dr for weekly ultrasounds for fun. When I try to explain why this is necessary, they give me a perplexed look and change the subject. Having to explain the difficulties in conceiving is a whole different story. Try to ignore things as much as you can and enjoy your pregnancy. Congrats!!