I didn’t realize until recently that I had totally given up on the idea of ever getting pregnant (I know that sounds crazy since I just finished an IVF cycle…) Even though I was shooting myself up daily and flying all the way to Vegas to attempt the impossible I didn’t have a lot of hope. Even the little hope I had never manifested in an imagined image of myself with a pregnant belly.
I wish I could better explain this phenomenon but I can’t put words to it because it doesn’t make sense to me, I was desperately trying to get pregnant yet I didn’t believe it would ever happen.
So I decided the best way to deal with this was to enjoy being pregnant while I was PUPO (the 8 day wait). I thought of myself as pregnant, I shopped for baby clothes. I even learned to knit and made a pair of baby booties. I enjoyed every minute of my pregnant week, just incase I never had another one.
|Isn't it cute! The second booty has alot less mistakes but the first one is cuter because of its mistakes!|
The flight home from my baby-cation was the end to my “pregnant week”. I knew when I got home I would pee on a stick and my dreams would be shattered. I boarded the plane with my knitting though, determined to let my week of bliss last one more flight.
I sat down and started to knit and the lady next door to me politely asked who would be receiving these precious booties? Unlike my response for the past week, “I’m pregnant!”, I forced myself back to reality and told her that my husband and I were hoping to have a baby soon. She smiled and recognized the conversation stopper.
Unfortunately the old man next to her didn’t. He leaned around her and yelled in his old man volume, “Well girl, I think you need to have a talk with your momma because knitting booties doesn’t make babies!” He then laughed hysterically at his joke.
Now that I’m actually pregnant I think of it and laugh, but what if my dreams had been crushed? How would I feel every time I saw those booties? I’d probably picture myself clawing out the old man’s eyes.
I will never forget how hard it was to get to this place, but I am determined to enjoy it while I’m here, how ever long it lasts.