Today marks the ½ way point, 20 weeks. It’s strange how fast time is going now. At the beginning I was so worried all the time that it seemed like the minute hand on the clock never moved while I waited and waited for the next test or ultrasound. Now, all of the sudden a week has passed and I don’t know where it went!
I got a comment on my last post that said “congratulations on your son” it was the first time I’d thought of him as that, an actual person. I’m only now starting to embrace the fact that we’re actually having a human being, it’s almost like it was too risky to think of him like that before.
Today marks the point where if we lose the baby it’s considered a still birth and not a miscarriage. I’m not sure why that seems significant but it does, somehow a doctor acknowledging the fact that if we lose the baby I’m truly losing a baby and not just a pregnancy seems important. And yet, I don’t feel any differently about this baby today than I did yesterday, it would be no harder to lose him today than it would have been yesterday. I’m already counting the weeks until we reach viability.
I think wading through the trenches of infertility really messes with your mind. I don’t think normal fertile women contemplate things like this when they reach the ½ way point. I think normal fertile women just get excited about baby showers, newborn clothes and being on the downhill slope. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited about those things too but they weren’t the first thing I thought of this morning, miscarriage vs. stillbirth was… Just like the first thing I thought of at 18 weeks was that if I went to the ER I would now get seen by the doctors in labor and delivery not just regular ER docs. Do normal women ever contemplate a trip to the ER during their pregnancy? Do they have contingency plans for what hospital they’ll head to at the first sign of distress like I do?
I took a quick picture of myself to mark the day, of course I forgot this morning but against my better judgment I snapped a picture of myself in the mirror of the ladies room at work. I was laughing about how ridiculous I felt while I took it so that is why you see the stupid look on my face…
You are such a cute pregnant lady! Congrats on such an important milestone - I can't begin to imagine how awesome that must feel!
ReplyDeleteYou are so gorgeous!!! I'm so behind on catching up, but congrats on your baby boy! And the placenta previa being gone!! What an exciting Christmas for you, Linds! <3
ReplyDeleteAhhh, I'm right there with ya. Will be 23 weeks this Saturday. And I'm constantly thinking of getting through the next step, next milestone. The big one being viability. Which what is it exactly? I hear all different opinions. 24, 26, 28 weeks? You belly looks so cute! :)
ReplyDeleteSarah - Viability is a loaded question... Dr. google says 24-25 weeks, Dr. legit OB's answer was, viable with no long term health effects 28 weeks. So I guess I'll be happy as both of those dates pass...
ReplyDeleteSuch a cute bump!!! Can't wait til I have a bump rather than just BLOAT!!!
ReplyDeleteYou look fabulous Linds! I love your cute smirk in the photo too! : p congrats on the official boy news. Can you believe that in a few months we will both be having sons?? How is the name game coming? Are you still thinking about Lincoln?
ReplyDeleteAmen! You just wrote all the things I've been feeling but just couldn't get out! I tried to explain to someone when I hit 20 weeks why it was so monumental for me and they just didn't get it! I'm 27 weeks today and it's still hard to conceptualize this little guy squirming around inside of me as an actual person for whom I will be responsible in 13 weeks! This whole pregnancy still feels like a wish and a dream to me... I guess IF just does that to a person. Congrats on reaching such a wonderful milestone! So happy for you! :)
ReplyDeleteYou are gorgeous my friend! As always! Can't wait to see you tonight!
ReplyDeleteFound your blog from ICLW. I also have endometriosis, stage 4 and just got my BFP 2 days ago after IVF. I was very excited to have found your blog and see that you are doing so well.
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best in the 2nd half as well!
You look adorable! Congrats on the baby boy and so happy for you at 20 weeks. Keep going!! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, you are sooo adorable! What a great bump! There's a little man in there! :-) Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteLove your beautiful belly! I feel exactly the same way you do...and often find your posts to echo what is in my mind and heart.
ReplyDeleteYou won't know me, I found you on TWW while searching for another blog, but I have read your blog and just wanted to say congrats and you're one tough lady. I have found your blog very insightful and frankly good to read.
ReplyDeleteI did not go through all the trials of IF, but I watched my brother and his wife go through IF and I had several miscarriages prior to getting a sticky bean. I just wanted to answer your question that yes, there are 'normal' women who contemplate ER visits and where they would go and why for which situation (myself being one, LOL). I celebrated 16 weeks because I graduated to L&D in an emergency instead of the ER, I celebrated the 20week stillborn status; I darn near threw myself a party at 24 weeks for viability! I celebrated every 'strange' milestone of pregnancy during BOTH of my pregnancies and I did not completely let my guard down during either pregnancy until the very end.
Love your pregnancy glow and can't wait to read the blog announcing your son's arrival!