I used to get really frustrated when infertile bloggers got pregnant and started a new blog. It seemed like they were forgetting their past, moving on to a sunshine lollipops world where IF didn’t exist. Now that I’m pregnant I understand why they do it.
Since I got pregnant I don’t feel like this blog is mine anymore, I don’t feel like I can share my honest thoughts. I give obligatory updates but that’s all. I still read everyone’s blogs and comment but I’ve lost the cathartic release of blogging for myself.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this, time that were I still infertile, I would have spent writing about it, sorting through my thoughts with the keyboard.
The answer I’ve come to is that I’m worried I’ll hurt someone no matter what I write. I’m worried that if I’m having a good day or post a belly shot that I’ll seem like I’m bragging. I’m worried that if I’m having a bad day I’ll sound like an ungrateful bitch who has forgotten her past.
I’ve tried to put myself in your (my reader’s) shoes: what kind of posts would I rather read, happy posts or whiney posts? The problem is that I’m thinking about what you might want to read, not what I need to write.
Did I start this blog to help other people or to help myself? Probably a little of both, but at first I didn’t care who read it, I just needed to write. I need to write again.
So here it is: I reclaim this blog as my own. I will write what is in my heart. I won’t forget my past because IF is still a part of me and my future. I won’t curb my thoughts because I’m afraid they’ll be taken wrong. I’ll continue to read and support those of you still in the trenches and I’m always here if you have questions or need support.
I hope that none of my future posts offend anyone, I hope that you’ll understand that pregnancy and life after IF is still a rollercoaster and will always have its ups and downs. I hope that my readers stick around, but I completely understand if you don’t want to or if it hurts too much, I’ve been there and I haven’t forgotten.
You are my soul sister friend. I have a very similar post ready to go for Sunday - although for a different reason obviously. Can't wait to see you this afternoon! Woo-Hoo Breaking Dawn!
ReplyDeleteOh thank god! I'm so glad you're not starting a new one. As someone still in the trenches, for me it's even more annoying when a PIF starts a new blog than it is to read her honest, real thoughts. Bring it on. If I ever have a problem with it, it's my problem and I'll unsubscribe! :)
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you! It's more hurtful for me for a PIF to seemingly turn their backs on her fellow infertiles that stood by her side through her journey by starting a new blog. I'm glad you've decided to stay put! I can't speak for all infertiles, but I personally don't have a big issue seeing PIF u/s pics, belly shots, and updates. I doubt pregnancy is a cake walk, you're entitled to complain! I complain about our infertility all the time, why shouldn't you get that same luxury?! I look forward to seeing your upcoming and candid posts!
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way as you. I have rarely blogged this entire pregnancy for fear of hurting someone. It's hard to be a PIF, because I honestly do feel a little guilty that we were successful and others are still struggling.
ReplyDeleteWrite on sistah! I, for one, like to read about the light at the end of the tunnel and I'll absolutely read your new stuff - with gusto! Being offended is a choice if you ask me... well unless you're being an outright jerk which we all know you're not. So don't worry about choices others make. Write what you need to write and post that belly if you want! It's not like you're some chick who got pregnant the first month of "trying" and will now write an entire blog telling infertile people to relax.
ReplyDeletePS - I dig the new header.
This is your blog, your space to write your thoughts! If someone gets offended of feels it brings them down then they shouldn't read it. People shouldn't get angry because you're pregnant, you've been thru a lot and have the right to be happy and enjoy your pregnancy or complain when not feeling ok. I love reading your updates and will be here with you thru this journey.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog! And thanks for still being a support to me! I hope you write about everything! I'm especially interested in hearing how things go (not only because I've followed your story for awhile and LIKE you), but because I have some similar issues that Dr. Sher found.
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Good for you Linds! :) I have felt this way several times too, but we gotta do what is best for us and we are pregnant and have had a hard time getting where we are. It ain't always going to be pretty! :) Reclaim away, I look forward to more updates! xoxo
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely your blog... and it is for you :) I can't imagine that anyone would take offence... and if they do, then they're not worth worrying about. You are such a great support for everyone else and have been through so much.... great that you are reclaiming your blog :)) Looking forward to reading your posts and being on this journey with you xoxo
ReplyDeleteI can see this being tough after making connections with others, especially if they are still fighting for their happy ending. I have the same issue but opposite...I find myself not writing certain things bc those that have their positives after fighting are reading. At the end of the day though, they are our blogs, no one else's. We started them to help us and it is the choice of the readers to read. If they are offended or no longer can relate or want to share in your story, they are free to go. So write. Post. Put up pictures. Be you :)
ReplyDeleteI have been thinking about this for weeks now and writing, then deleting blog posts. Last night I decided to publish it. It's so hard when you are empathetic to those still in the midst of TTC/IF/miscarriage to let go and write about your feelings once you become pregnant. Same goes with facebook - what to share, what not to share. It's such a pull of emotions. Thanks for this post!
ReplyDeleteI'm only 12 days late to this party, but what the hell!
ReplyDeleteThis is your blog, and you are entitled for it to be so! You've been through so much to get to this point, and it's made you who you are. And you deserve to have a voice on your own blog, dammit! :)